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Declaración de amor quesuna

Breve viaje sentimental entre mohos, bacilos y fermentos del producto más amado y detestado

¿abe usted qué es el RGIAJ? Es el Registro General de Interdicción de Acceso al Juego. Una especie de listado en el que la gente con adicción al juego se apunta voluntariamente para que le impidan el acceso a los casinos y similares. Sin ánimo de frivolizar, pero si existiera algo parecido para los adictos al queso, seríamos muchos los que deberíamos anotar nuestro nombre para que nos impidieran entrar en las queserías, esos lugares. Otra cosa es que quien suscribe no lo haría jamás. En ninguna circunstancia.

Hay dos tipos de personas: los que detestan el queso y los que lo amamos profundamente. Los que sólo ven en esa delicia láctea un horror sin remisión, un Vietnam, y los que nos volvemos locos entre bacilos, mohos, pastas blandas y cortezas tecnicolor. Llegados aquí, una advertencia: si usted pertenece al primer grupo, este artículo no es para usted. Se le agradece y mucho su tiempo y su amabilidad lectora, pero es casi mejor que no siga leyendo.

Para los que seguimos -ya os tuteo: al fin y al cabo somos parte de una familia muy numerosa, bien avenida y con intereses compartidos- algunas preguntas: ¿Cuando un trozo de Stilton te estalla en el paladar no sientes algo parecido a un orgasmo? ¿no? O no has probado el Stilton o no has tenido nunca un orgasmo. ¿No te excita partir una torta francesa de vaca y ver cómo derrama su interior cremoso en el plato? ¿No ves la belleza en un queso coronado de mohos? ¿No te has quedado maravillado mirando los matices rojizos de la corteza del Gamoneu, un siena tostado que dicen los expertos? En fin, ¿no has tenido nunca la sensación de que hay quesos que huelen mejor cuanto hay más gente que dice que apesta? Pues sí respondes cinco síes, eres del club. Bienvenido a la secta. Nadie nos tiene engañados. Sabemos que es tóxico, que produce colesterol y no sé cuántas cosas funestas más en la lista del laboratorio, que tiene mala imagen en el mundo de la healthy life doctrine, como si vivir solo consistiera en encadenar verduras al dente con batidos macrobióticos y esa cosa llamada tofu derivada de la soja y que algunos se atreven a comparar con el queso. Nos sabemos todo eso de memoria. Y también que esta placentera afición nos recrece michelines, flotadores, lorzas o como quiera llamar a esa protuberancia que nos acompañará siempre alrededor de nuestra grácil cintura. Y pesar de todo eso y de más, decimos ¡ larga vida a la comunidad quesuna ¡

Existe la llamada del queso como existe la llamada de la selva. Es una voz interior. Se siente que el queso te llama. Que te ha elegido. A veces con sutileza y otras a voz en grito como las madres desde un balcón. Y curiosamente cada momento tiene su queso, el cerebro decide por ti el queso que te apetece. Pero es imposible sustraerse. Más allá del hábito cultural que supone, hay explicaciones científicas que explican que, en realidad, es una adicción. La Universidad de Michigan, de acreditados expertos queseros de toda la vida, publicó recientemente un informe explicando que la culpa es la caseína, una proteína que si bien está en todos los productos lácteos en los quesos multiplica su intensidad al ser un producto muy elaborado. Esa proteína segrega a su vez una cosa que se llama casomorfina, que es una molécula que tiene un doble comportamiento: se comporta como las endorfinas (ya sabéis: hormonas sexuales, apetito, felicidad, satisfacción etc) y, por otro, actúa sobre el organismo de forma similar a los opiáceos, de donde sale el opio y derivados. Bueno, por ahí va el tema más o menos. O sea, que no es culpa nuestra. Que volvemos una y otra vez a nuestras tiendas favoritas porque estamos enganchados al puñetero queso. Si lo queréis decir más finamente, somos unos turófilos, una denominación que viene del griego y significa adictos al queso. Al menos que la gente sepa lo que nos pasa.

A tanto llega nuestra militancia quesuna que nos interesamos por las bacterias y los mohos que colonizan los quesos para fermentarlos. Y sabemos que, como ocurre con el colesterol, hay mohos buenos y mohos malos. Los últimos son una pesadilla para los fabricantes, pero los buenos son maravillosos: entre ellos los más famosos, penicillium, camemberti y roqueforti, que ya son como de la familia. Son los que modifican la textura, el sabor, el olor y el color de cada pieza. Los que hacen grandes los quesos. Lo dicho, un Disneyland para nosotros.

Luego está el asunto del olor. Hay pusilánimes, de frágil espíritu y delicadísima pituitaria, que dicen que hay quesos que apestan, incluso que huelen a pie. Como si eso fuera posible. Serán los suyos (sus pies) porque los nuestros (los quesos) huelen a heno, a pasto, a hierba y a gloria. Bien es cierto que existe otra explicación científica que acerca el olor de algunos quesos al de los pinreles de los bípedos: algunos ecosistemas de la flora bacteriana de los pies son similares a los que intervienen en la fermentación del queso. Digamos que es una bacteria emparejada. Un bichito que le hace mucho bien al queso y mucho mal a los humanos cortitos de higiene. Dicho eso y diga lo que diga la ciencia, hacer esa comparación sigue siendo cosa de gente delicadita. Hay gente “pa tó”, como dijo el torero. Recuerdo un viaje en avión desde Bruselas. Traía en el zurrón un variadito, entre ellos un Viux Boulogne, algo de Munster y Pont l´Eveque. El comandante no me tiró por la ventana supongo que haciendo un ejercicio de contención profesional. La gente me miraba como algunos miran ahora a los paisanos con turbante. A mí me olía maravillosamente bien, pero por lo visto debí dar con un avión de estómagos delicaditos. También he de confesar que hace tiempo para salvar mi relación conyugal y con mi hijo me agencié un frigorífico propio para mis quesos. Hoy ocupa un trastero y reboza de alegría láctea por sus estantes y cajones. Es mío. No lo toca ni dios. Estoy más que contento. Salvó la relación y me ha proporcionado un juguetito estupendo. Ante un problema similar, no lo dudes: recurre a la NAQ (Nevera Auxiliar Quesuna). Mano de santo.

A los queseros patanegra no se nos hace elegir entra la vaca, la cabra o la oveja. Es como preguntar si queremos más a papá o a mamá.

Pero aun sabiendo que es imposible reducir a la mínima expresión, destacaría unos cuantos imprescindibles.

De la oveja, prácticamente toda la producción de La Mancha y Zamora. Los de oveja payoya de Villaluenga del Rosario, el Pajarete y el Bosqueño emborrado en salvado de trigo también de la sierra de Cádiz.  Así como los Idiazábal de oeja latxa de Navarra y País Vasco. O un azul de oveja que hacen en Guipúzcoa, la gente de Garoa, una excelencia difícil de conseguir. Producen unas pocas piezas al año. Mi amigo David de Jorge, un truhán, me consiguió una y hasta la fecha los persigo sin éxito. Imprescindibles las tortas extremeñas: de la Serena, del Casar y de Castuera, infusionadas con cardo para separar el suero y la cuajada, y que deben figurar en los mejores catálogos mundiales de su especialidad. De Francia, sin duda el Roquefort y el Brin d´amour de Córcega, un queso de pasta blanda que se recubre con hierbas secas. Delicioso. De Italia, el Pecorino, aunque no soy muy fan, pero algún trufado está rico.

De la vaca empiezo por esas delicadezas de Arzúa- Ulloa o el singularísimo Afuega´l pitu asturiano. Añadiré tres azules poderosos: el de Valdeón (León) que también se hace con cabra; el Bejes-Tresviso, La Peral y también en tierra asturiana el invencible Cabrales, santo y seña de los azules españoles y bravo cauterizador de paladares, como el ajo de Camba. Recientemente descubrí dos quesos que me vuelven loco: el Terra y el Savel (azul) de Airas Moniz, una quesería artesanal en Chantada (Lugo) que trabaja con vacas de raza Jersey, una rareza. Seguidlos. Son estupendos. Entre los franceses de vaca, el Comté, sobre todo con 36 meses de maduración, y si puede ser maridado con un Jura bien ajerezado – los vinos de este cantón se crían, como los jereces, bajo velo de flor- de la misma tierra. También me gustan mucho el Brie de Meaux, el Camembert de Normandía, el Chaumes -con una buena cerveza trapense, una Westvleteren XII pongamos por ejemplo, en homenaje a sus creadores, aquellos benditos monjes alquimistas del queso y la cerveza-, el Morbier -un azul suave y delicado, el potente Munster y por supuesto esas tortas lidibinosas como la Saint Marcellin o la Saint Felicien, merecedoras de un monumento, pura cremosidad, un vértigo de sabores. De Italia el Parmesano Reggiano, el Gorgonzola dulce y el Taleggio, un prodigio. Y añadamos dos holandeses: el Gouda muy curado y el edam. Y de Suiza, el Tete de moine, que raspado con la girola ofrece unas flores que ni la primavera. Y el extraordinario Vacherin Mont d´Or, de Jura: un queso que solo se produce en otoño y primavera: le inyectas media copa de chardonnay o de fino e incluso albariño, lo metes al horno hasta que «sangre» y lo devoras con pan tostado como si no hubiera un mañana. Alcanzas el paraíso quesero.

De la cabra España saca productos extraordinarios. Entre los mejores del mundo. Cada vez mejores. Sinteticemos: el payoyo de cabra curado en manteca de la sierra de Cádiz, el Fuente santa viejo extremeño; también en Extremadura, en Montánchez, el Francisco Sudao curado en manteca y aceite de oliva, una delicatesen; me encanta el Quesos & Besos de Guarromán (Jaén). En Rota, El Bucarito hace una cabra azul intensa y muy seria. No olvidemos el bosqueño viejo, que obtuvo el premio de mejor queso de cabra del mundo en 2018, y el Retamar de Pulgar (Toledo) también es delicioso. De la antigua Galia para mí uno muy por encima del resto y ahí me quedo: Sainte Maure de Touraine, hecho con leche cruda de cabra y cubierto de ceniza. Suele llevar una paja que lo atraviesa de parte aparte con el número del productor, pura trazabilidad. Chapeau. Una explosión en boca. Y hasta aquí llegamos con la cabra, que la lista es interminable.

Después están los mixtos, con tres leches, tipo Gamoneu, por poner un ejemplo. Y por supuesto que allende los mares hay quesos estupendos aunque servidor los trabaja poco. Sí he probado un canadiense, el Saint Honoré, muy rico, una vaca de pasta blanda triple crema, o lo que es lo mismo, con nata, lo que le da una cremosidad infinita. Pero es imposible seguir. Se calcula que hay entre 2.000 y 3.000 variedades de quesos en el mundo. Ojalá hubiera kilómetros para probarlos.

Pero volvamos a nuestra religión sin pecados. El queso. Yo solo quería compartir que el queso me hace inmensamente feliz. Que asumo todo lo que haya que asumir. Pero que me encanta, Y quería compartirlo. Ni más, ni menos. Escribió Neruda: “¿Es verdad que el ámbar contiene las lágrimas de las sirenas? / ¿Cómo se llama una flor que vuela de pájaro en pájaro? / ¿No es mejor nunca que tarde? / ¿Y por qué el queso se dispuso a ejercer proezas en Francia?”.

Pues eso, una proeza. Un sacerdocio. Un vicio. Una adición. Un placer. Un camino sin retorno. Una bandera. Antonio Machado decía que la carencia de vicios aporta muy poco a la virtud. Y López Vázquez lo dijo de otra forma, magistral, en atraco a las tres: un admirador, un esclavo, un amigo, un siervo. Pues eso. Los ratones sí que saben.

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251 Comentarios

  1. Juanlu el abril 8, 2020 a las 7:45 pm

    Eso es disfrutar de algo que a uno le fascina y lo demás es tontería!! Bravo!!

  2. Salva Celada el abril 9, 2020 a las 6:00 am

    Antonio, cuando a mí me preguntan si me gusta el queso, contesto que me gusta hasta el Caserio. No he probado tantos pero me gustan todos.. Me encantó que citaras El Bucarito pero te olvidaste de algún Gazul de Alcalá. Jajaja. Un abrazo

  3. Anabel el abril 12, 2020 a las 9:22 pm

    Pertenezco a la misma secta . Me encanta todo tipo de quesos y acompañado de un buen maridaje y buen pan , picos, regañas…., mejor
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  4. A.H.R. el abril 16, 2020 a las 10:53 am

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  5. A.H.R. el abril 16, 2020 a las 10:53 am

    cómo tira la familia¡

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