Los buffets libres, el gran atracón
Nacidos en la Francia del Siglo XII y popularizados por todo el mundo, los buffets son la historia del consumo desmedido, la de un hábito cultural inextinguible y una atalaya privilegiada para la observación social.
i las tecnológicas ni los canales de pago, el concepto de tarifa plana es propiedad intelectual del tío que inventó el buffet libre. A ese se le ocurrieron tres cosas: colocar unas mesas muy largas rebosantes de comida, ponerle un precio muy barato y decirle al respetable que podía comer hasta reventar. Desde entonces, por los predios del todo a 9,99€ deambula gente dispuesta a morir hasta consumir lo que el cuerpo aguante. Algunos bípedos poligástricos han desarrollado cuatro estómagos, como las vacas: tragan rápidamente todo el condumio que pueden, lo regurgitan y vuelven a masticarlo o rumiarlo después. Ese hacer la digestión faseada permite incrementar la eficiencia en el consumo. Lo que viene siendo un no parar. Buffets libres, licencia para abusar.
Los griegos y los romanos, pioneros en todas las maldades y sofisticaciones gastronómicas que se les ocurra, fueron los primeros en consumir los alimentos a porfía servidos en grandes y largas mesas. Aunque el sistema y el nombre propiamente dicho nos llega desde la Francia del Siglo XII: buffet es el nombre que recibía la mesa donde se colocaban las bandejas, no confundir con lo de los abogados, que son los bufetes, aunque seguramente comparten etimología. Fue con Luis XIV, la época del mayor esplendor de la cocina francesa, cuando el buffet se convierte en una exhibición desmesurada de platos fríos para boato y disfrute de príncipes y cortesanos.
Con el tiempo llegarían Diderot, Montesquieu y Rosseau – aviso para despistados: no tenían ninguna estrella Michelin- desarrollaron sus teorías con la Enciplopedia, la división de poderes o el contrato social, y los revolucionarios inspirados por tan sabias doctrinas las aplicaron a su manera convirtiendo el refinado buffet de la realeza en un sistema popular de consumo de comidas. Acababa de nacer el célebre Liberté, Igualité, Fraternité y Bufetté. Durante el siglo XIX el formato fue adaptándose y extendiéndose por medio mundo. Resumiendo mucho, en 1940, un tipo llamado Herb MacDonald, que era un publicista del Hotel El rancho de Las Vegas (EE.UU), parió el buffet más parecido al que conocemos hoy con la idea de echarle de comer con abundancia a los clientes para que permanecieran más tiempo jugando al a ruleta en su casino, que la banca, como los buffets, siempre gana. Inventó el “all you can eat” (todo lo que pueda comer) que tantos problemas de estómago ha creado a lo largo de la historia. Pero ofreciendo abundancia de ensaladas, quesos, fiambres, algunos platos fríos y pasteles consiguió que los empedernidos del Black Jack permanecieran más horas pegados a las mesas de juego. Todo “para apaciguar al coyote que vive en tus entrañas”, decía el publicista, cuya idea prendió rápido en los demás casinos.
En la España de los setenta y los ochenta el buffet libre era un hallazgo y tenía mucho tirón. Las colas eran enormes para entrar; familias enteras hacían filas controlando al Carpanta que todos llevamos dentro. Porque no nos engañemos: durante muchos años y seguramente como herencia de la posguerra, los españoles comíamos con un hambre antigua. La calidad era un concepto relativo; la cantidad, un objetivo innegociable. El buffet libre prendió rápidamente en nuestro país, con sus montañas de cosas de colores, su variedad de guisos, ensaladas, las croquetas ordenadas por tamaños y sabores, las ollas con cosas nadando dentro que no siempre se identificaban y dulces, muchos dulces. La escenografía, compleja por los codazos en hora punta, se desarrollaba con la constante reposición del género bajo la mirada profesional, que a veces era juzgadora, de los camareros. Algunos clientes, con evidente ánimo de culpabilidad, miraban de soslayo al maître cuando alcanzaban su séptima aproximación al buffet. Pero no legaba la sangre al río
En los tiempos en los que el buffet era la estrella de los domingos daba angustia observar el patrón de consumo bufetero más repetido bajo tres prismas: cantidad, variedad y mezcla. La idea de la cantidad, apuntado queda, era la reina de la fiesta. Se pagaba para ponerse hasta las manillas, punto uno. Lo de la variedad era la demostración de la ansiedad: coger de todo antes de que se acabara. Y lo de la mezcla no era más que el resultado inevitable de combinar los dos primeros vectores -cantidad y variedad- en un plato de tamaño comedido y aprovechando cada vuelo rasante sobre las bandejas ¿Usted no ha visto nunca a ese señor camino al a mesa cargado con tres platos en los que se mezcla la ensaladilla, con la sala de los callos, el aliño de la ensalada de pasta y la porción más generosa que encontró de tarta de chocolate? ¿usted no ha visto cómo va derramando, con impávida determinación, caldos, mayonesas y tropezones por la moqueta camino de su mesa? ¿No? Eso es que usted ha vivido poco. Puede hacerse una idea viendo los documentales de David Attenborough de los cocodrilos papeándose a los ñúes cuando cruzan el Río Mara.
Aunque no todos los buffets son el paraíso de la cantidad versus calidad. Hay excepciones, la más notable es Les Grands buffets en Narbonne, pilotado por el triestrellado Gilles Goujon, quien ha reinventado el concepto con un buffet que incluye todos los clásicos de la cocina francesa, marisco, foie Gras y una impresionante selección de cientos de quesos. Calidad, cantidad y precio: 52,90€.
Pero con frecuencia las noticias que leemos y sobrecogen son de otro signo: “Una chica acaba en el hospital por comerse 32 piezas de sushi en un buffet libre”. “Un caballero invitado a abandonar un buffet libre tras meterse 15 platos entre pecho y espalda”. “El triatleta alemán Jaroslaw Bobrowski invitado a no regresar más a un buffet tras consumir cien platos”. Y así hasta el infinito. Es la fotografía de un sistema de consumo que no resiste un mínimo análisis dietético. Los atracones pantagruélicos – Pantagruel era el hijo del Garagantúa al que Rabelais puso a comer más que un ejército al terminar el ayuno intermitente– castigan al páncreas obligándolo a segregar mucha insulina para restablecer los niveles normales de azúcar en sangre. Pero no es culpa del tío del buffet, sino de quien decide llevar hasta las últimas consecuencias la idea del “Todo lo que pueda comer” y honrar, así, sus 9,99€ de tarifa plana.
Los buffets han estado a punto de perecer. Pero su muerte largamente anunciada no estaba relacionada con su halo sesentero ni con la mejora del criterio gastronómico del español medio, sino con el Covid. La propuesta de los buffets iba en ritmo de colisión contra las medidas de protección por la pandemia: expositores compartidos, cubiertos en bandejas comunes, en definitiva, un paraíso común y abierto para microbios, miasmas y otras partículas de mal vivir. Se vieron seriamente afectados, muchos cerraron, pero ya se observa su renacer. Sus carteles vuelven a poblar las fachadas llamando al hombre blanco a la gran ceremonia del atracón.
Los bufetes, pura arqueología gastronómica, son inmortales.
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No soporto los bufets, yo soy de picoteo !
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