El enviro cool versus la thermomix
Elogio de la ciencia y tecnología que permite enfriar la cerveza en medio minuto.
e cae mal la thermomix. Es un invento alemán de probada eficacia alemana, fiabilidad germana, estructura sólida muy teutona, apariencia alemana y precio alemán. Al cambio es como si se pagara en los marcos de toda la vida contra la peseta. Según anécdota nunca comprobada por la historiografía, la Paquera de Jerez le dijo en los camerinos al emperador del Japón -a uno de ellos- tras una exitosa actuación en Tokio: «Emperador, viva el Japón y vivan los yenes». Que se sepa, hasta ahí alcazaba el japonés de la cantaora jerezana. «Vivan los marcos», dicen ahora los de Vorwerk, creadores del bicho. Y mira que me caen bien los alemanes. En esta Europa convulsa es de lo más serio que te encuentras. Incluidos Merkel y Schäuble. La cosa es que la thermomix es útil para batir, homogeneizar las salsas y hacer helados. Incluso para picar frutos secos y acometer alguna crema. Pero para cocinar, nada de nada. Esa especie de BMW de la cocina es la negación absoluta del guisoteo: el vaso de acero te impide ver lo que cocinas, la tapa de plástico aísla los aromas; y además, el robot de marras acelera los procesos, como si cocinar fuera una carrera de velocidad, los cien metros lisos del cuchareo. No. Quien quiera que la utilice. Y hay casos como el del escritor Jorge M. Reverte, quien cuenta en Inútilmente guapo cómo la Thermomix le solucionó buena parte de su vida tras un ictus cabrón. Ese bicho de corazón de acero es de acreditada utilidad para solteros sobrevenidos o de vocación pero sin mayores objetivos que alimentarse, marineros de reemplazo y gentes con urgencias domésticas. Pero para lo que viene siendo cocinar, pues como que no.
Le decía a mi amigo Jesús Collantes, quien ha glosado las desventuras del cocinero italiano Romu Aldo, que los alemanes parecen cocinar y follar con y como robots. Emoción, cero. Y un cocinero italiano que se precie – como su Romu Aldo- debería ser feliz con lamparones de boloñesa coronándole el alto vientre y un barolo en la mano. Porque cocinar es otra cosa. Es, sobre todo, amor y tiempo. Y ganas y alegría. el chef peruano Gastón Acurio sostiene que a un cocinero triste le está prohibido cocinar. La thermomix es como el ministerio de Administraciones Públicas de la gastronomía. Un coñazo. Cocinar significa para profesionales y aficionados -incluidos los aprendices torpes pero entusiastas como quien suscribe esto- compartir, aprender e intentar hacer felices a la gente que quieres.
Y hasta aquí el alegato contra la thermomix . Porque en realidad, lo que quiero es aplaudir otro invento relativamente reciente y aún por popularizar como es el Enviro cool, esa especie de microondas inverso que, ¡ tatachán ¡, enfría la cerveza en medio minuto. Ese ingenio -que no bicho, obsérvese el matiz- es cosa de una empresa inglesa. Su tecnología V-tex genera un doble movimiento de centrifugación que congela a la vez que evita la aparición de burbujas. Para eso sirve la ciencia: cosas prácticas. Hay muchas máquinas de ese tipo, pero parece que esta es la buena, la que mejor contribuye a hacer el bien a la humanidad. Lo de la thermomix no me conduce al neoludismo ni a la fobia a la tecnología. No, es una oposición romántica. Pero con la cerveza fría no se juega, ni romanticismo ni nada. La versión buena del artefacto cuesta un pastón. Solo falta esperar a que los coreanos saquen su versión del enfriador a precio razonable. Todos sabemos que el primer sorbo de una cerveza helada es insuperable. Es explosivo, te eleva, te salva un mal día y te redime de cualquier penosidad. El resto de la copa es más prescindible, especialmente de la mitad para abajo: sube la temperatura, se hace más sólida e incluso puede llegar a ser un poso inmundo y tibio, mitad espuma decrecida, mitad caldichi amarillento. Pero el primer trago…. ¡Ay el primer trago de la cerveza¡ Ese chute en la garganta ha debido salvar vidas, aunque nadie se haya puesto a recopilar casos. En cualquier caso, hablamos de las cervezas ligeras, rubias y refrescantes. Las de abadía son otra cosa y requieren su temperatura. La Westvleteren XII, la Chimay azul, La Chouffe, la Rochefort y la ST Bernardo12, por ejemplo, son cinco cumbres que exigen otro tratamiento y un ritual a la altura de su deslumbrante calidad.
Posiblemente sea Kennet Cook en el imprescindible Pánico al amanecer, pura desolación australiana, quien le hizo el mejor homenaje a la cerveza helada y su vocación de servicio público. «En los pueblos remotos del Oeste no abundan las comodidades de la civilización: no hay sistema de alcantarillado, no hay hospitales, es raro dar con un doctor, el agua es mala, la luz eléctrica es para los pocos que pueden costearse un generador y las carreteras apenas existen. Tampoco hay teatros ni salas de cine y los salones de baile se cuentan con los dedos. Pero hay un sólido principio del progreso que mantiene a la gente a salvo de la locura declarada y que se encuentra arraigado a miles de kilómetros al Este y al Norte, al Sur y al Oeste del Dead Heart: dondequiera que vayas, la cerveza siempre está fría”.
Lo dicho, esperando a los coreanos y sus enviro cool a precio razonable.
Genial!! Hasta ahora, nunca he tenido ese robot. Cocino tradicional… Yi cada vez que me preguntan… ¿Esto lo haz hecho con la thermomiix ?,… siempre respondo…. Nooo… Con la TERMOMANO.. JAJAJA
Y vaya termomano que tienes amiga !!
Ameno y divertido Sr. Goloso. Como también debe ser esos ratos que usted pasa cocinando.
Ver cómo nace un guisote no tiene precio.
La termomix entró en mi casa contra mi voluntad pero con el beneplácito de mi señora. Después de tan largo tiempo ahí sigue en un rincón de la encimera esperando que alguien (yo no) le dé algo de cariño. Como uno es prudente desde chiquetito ni se me ocurre dejarle caer a la dama que comparte mi cama si no es mejor que ese espacio lo ocupe algo que lo mejore. Por ejemplo, ese invento del que nos hablas. En caso como éste uno llega a pensar que la raza humana todavía tiene esperanza. En mientras tanto (mientras le hago sitio en mi encimera, mientras convenzo a mi mujer y mientras los asiáticos sacan la versión asequible) no nos queda otra que poner un vaso adecuado en el “federico” al menos una hora antes en compañía de una rubia que en él se zambulla.
Antoniodlr es usted sin duda un hombre sabio. De probada prudencia y buen gusto
Lo del envío cool…..No sé, pero lo de la Thetmomix lo suscribo de pé a pá. ¡Trasto caro!
Yo tuve la primera Thermomix y sólo la usé para los purés de mis bebés , gazpacho y salmorejo, un dinero malgastado. En cuanto al segundo invento, miedo me da que se entere mi marido.
La cerveza SIEMPRE FRÍA, y eso en casa de don Antonio, nunca falla.
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