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Tres, dos uno…desesferificando la cocina española

La Puta gastronomía, de Remartini, se convierte en un novedoso, divertido e inteligente manual de la gastronomía nacional

sirse a una cuchara de palo sacó al autor de una depresión. Y se diría que la hiperinflación de eruditos gastronómicos nivel Dios, sumados a la sobreabundancia de menús redactados como el hipérbaton de Bécquer y adornados con el soniquete modernista de un lenguado al “piélago ambarino” de Amado Nervo, lo van a sumir en otra. Así, este trabajo solo podía ser lo que es: un conjuro contra la estulticia, una reivindicación sana y auténtica de la normalidad gastrónomica. Y, por último, un ensayo original que alterna una mirada sobre la España de los fenómenos gastronómicos de las últimas décadas con el crepitar del pan honrado en el horno y el milagro de un pollo al ajillo, esencial y popular, cocinado con todo el mimo que merecen las cosas eternas. El autor, además, se adorna con una suerte de breves relatos inconexos cocidos a fuego lento y con levadura literaria. La puta gastronomía (El Desvelo Ediciones) es el título de la declaración de intenciones de Remartini, el seudónimo pasado por la hora del cóctel sin agitar de David Remartínez, un periodista zaragozano de 48 años, morroputa y devoto de Vázquez Montalbán. Un tipo que exhibe un poderoso sentido del humor y el triste bagaje de haber reventado una olla de lentejas cuando comenzaba a arrimarse al fuego.

Esta aproximación al cuánto hemos cambiado nombra -bajo una mirada ácida o benevolente, según para qué cosas, pero siempre irónica e inteligente-, varios fetiches intocables que, bien mirados, representan la esencia de las cosas sencillas. El pan, por ejemplo. El alimento básico de la memoria y la despensa española ha subido y bajado por una montaña rusa en el aprecio de los gastrónomos: pasó de ser bendecido a ser precocinado. Y de ser precocinado y tratado como un mal necesario a ocupar el olimpo de la neorealidad gastronómica. Hoy, el pan está en el centro de los desvelos de cualquiera que quiera ser algo en este universo gastro. Definitivamente, la harina, el agua y la levadura horneada son el nuevo must del sector. Remartini apuesta a que precisamente por su sencillez el pan ha tardado en abrirse paso en el nuevo mundo del comer y el beber. Y asocia el pan a la leche de bolsa fresca de su infancia, al hecho de no haber probado la pizza hasta hacerse adulto y a su desconocimiento de los arcanos del alga wakame o los jalapeños. En ese sentido, este es el libro de todas las casas españolas: los guisos de la abuela – otro mito, sostiene-, el colacao y el aceite de oliva administrado como si fuera un barril de brent. Ese es un momento muy Josep Pla, cuando el de Palafrugell lamenta en El cuaderno gris, deslumbrado por las terrazas de la Barcelona de su juventud: ”Tengo veinte años y aún no he probado las ostras. Soy un desgraciado”. A esos efectos, todos llevamos un Pla clavado muy dentro.

Rápidamente, a partir de los 90, llegaría la revolución, recuerda el autor. Al tiempo que desaparecían muchos ultramarinos, se sembraban los barrios de restaurantes chinos y japos. La gente hablaba del agar-agar y las gelatinas con el mismo desahogo con el que se empleaba el azafrán hasta el mes anterior. La España gastronómica se estira, se moderniza, se hace competitiva, europea y estrellada.

Y algo cursi y sobreactuada. El libro refleja perfectamente cómo ese proceso, al que en verdad nada opone, produce una quiebra en el sentido común. LLámenlo esnobismo, modernidad mal entendida, como quieran, pero todos sabemos de qué hablamos: de la imparable carrera por estar a la última en catas sensoriales de vinos orgánicos, de la vacua utilización del último término llegado al universo gastro y de la alocada carrera con exhibición pública de los coleccionistas de estrellas. Mientras España se disparataba, las viejas cacerolas empezaban a coger polvo, arrinconadas por su inutilidad en la placa vitrocerámica. Y eso que no aún no habían llegado los roners, los grabadores nitro ni las máquinas de doble cocción. Pero para entonces, los comilones y cocineros sin ínfulas de toda la vida estaban acomplejados en el rincón de pensar en qué estaba ocurriendo.

La Puta Gastronomía se convierte así en un alegato a favor del sentido común antes que en una invectiva contra la nueva gastronomía española. Es una defensa de quiénes somos y de dónde venimos y, es sobre todo una invitación a hacer de la cocina un gozo, un placer sin prisas, sin sofisticaciones para la galería, a disfrutar compartiendo. Una sutil invitación a los chefs mediáticos con proyección de futbolistas a no perder de vista que se trata de algo tan básico y placentero como dar de comer a la gente y si puede ser bien, mucho mejor. Contra la intelectualización impostada de cada tránsito culinario, pero sin renunciar a entender la cocina como arte tanto en cuanto emociona y eleva el espíritu mediante el ennoblecimiento de la actividad culinaria.

Hay autores que, con afán clarificador, se atreven a marcar las fronteras de la evolución de algunos procesos. Remartini lo hace con la cocina moderna. Primer hito: la publicación de la guía culinaria de Escoffier (1902), quien actualiza la cocina popular francesa. Segundo: la revisión de la doctrina Escoffier a cargo de Bocuse, Guèrard y los hermanos Troisgros en 1970, cuando aligeran de grasas el recetario clásico, introducen la mini porción -que tanto daño haría como argumento caricaturizado contra la nueva cocina- como nueva medida canónica y apuestan por la estética en los emplatados. La última fecha es 1990 en Cala Montjoi, cuando Ferrán Adriá lo revienta todo aplicando técnicas novedosas, utilizando los saberes de ingenieros y químicos y la despensa global para inaugurar la contagiosa era de las texturas, liofilizados, gelatinizaciones, esferificaciones y demás prodigios, en lo que terminó conociéndose como la tecno-cocina, la cocina molecular o tecnoemocional . “Crear es no copiar”. Así resumía Adriá lo que acababa de hacer: saltar la banca de la gastronomía global.

Remartini baja y sube, va desde los fenómenos de masas que en realidad solo disfruta una pequeña parte de la humanidad hasta el disfrute casero de cocinar para los amigos. El autor, que no deja un charco sin pisar, afirma que el de Jerez es el gran vino español por historia y singularidad, que la defensa de la cocina regional española ha terminado constituyendo una suerte de nacionalismo y que quien no se emociona ante un cuenco de barro con migas y tocino no quiere a su madre.
Al fin, La puta gastronomía contiene además otros dos hallazgos. Una abundante bibliografía que ofrece todo lo que se necesita conocer en torno a la gastronomía y un antídoto contra el gastromonguer al uso: “una hostia a mano abierta”

Instagram: @anthdezrodicio / Twitter: @AHRodicio

1.632 Comentarios

  1. Ale Suárez el junio 5, 2020 a las 6:30 am

    Muy interesante, buscaré el libro. Todo tiene cabida en la gastronomía, pero ya echábamos de menos el viejo perol encima de un buen fogón, tanta placa ni tanta vitro…

  2. Pepe Tomás el junio 5, 2020 a las 10:16 am

    La rueda sólo da la vuelta cuando llega al final de un giro y siempre hay un último paso para comenzar un ciclo nuevo con todas las muescas de los anteriores. Que se ponga en marcha la próxima con lo mejor de todo lo aprendido, que es mucho,
    Salud Antonio.

  3. Anabel el junio 13, 2020 a las 8:55 am

    Todo evoluciona pero es importante no olvidar los orígenes.
    Al pan, pan y al vino, vino.
    Gracias por hacernos partícipes.

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    Reivindicación de la normalidad gastronómica y del sentido común. Hay que leerlo. Gracias.

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  1254. ArthurNaive el agosto 27, 2024 a las 9:25 am

    L’Europe est devenue une plaque tournante pour les idees commerciales pionnieres, grace a son environnement numerique et a son ouverture a l’innovation financiere. Nous nous engageons a repousser les frontieres traditionnelles de l’entreprise et a offrir de nouvelles opportunites de demarrage a nos clients du monde entier. Notre objectif est d’ajouter de la valeur au commerce international en tirant parti des possibilites illimitees de l’Union europeenne au cours de son ascension technologique et en facilitant des decisions commerciales transparentes en un seul clic.
    Travail en equipe

  1255. ремонт imac в москве el agosto 28, 2024 a las 6:51 am

    Профессиональный сервисный центр по ремонту ноутбуков, imac и другой компьютерной техники.
    Мы предлагаем:ремонт аймаков с гарантией
    Наши мастера оперативно устранят неисправности вашего устройства в сервисе или с выездом на дом!

  1256. MichaelJer el agosto 28, 2024 a las 7:43 am

    The Czech Republic offers unique opportunities for manufacturing and export-oriented businesses due to its central position in Europe and strong industrial base. The country has a stable economy, low levels of corruption and maintains a healthy business environment with access to a large and solvent domestic market. The Czech Republic also offers relatively low operating costs and a well-developed infrastructure, making it attractive to various types of businesses.
    Conclusion: Estonia, Lithuania, Ireland and the Czech Republic represent the four most attractive countries in Europe for foreigners to start a business. They offer a variety of economic and strategic advantages, including low taxes, a high degree of innovation, access to international markets and a supportive business environment. Choosing the right country depends on the specific goals and needs of your business.

  1257. ремонт ноутбуков в москве el agosto 28, 2024 a las 4:51 pm

    Профессиональный сервисный центр по ремонту ноутбуков и компьютеров.дронов.
    Мы предлагаем:ремонт ноутбуков москва центр
    Наши мастера оперативно устранят неисправности вашего устройства в сервисе или с выездом на дом!

  1258. ThomasGob el agosto 28, 2024 a las 7:58 pm

    Avrupa, dijital ortam? ve finansal yeniliklere ac?kl?g? sayesinde oncu is fikirleri icin bir merkez haline geldi. Geleneksel kurumsal s?n?rlar? genisletmeye ve dunya cap?ndaki musterilerimize yeni baslang?c f?rsatlar? sunmaya kararl?y?z. Amac?m?z, teknolojik yukselisi s?ras?nda Avrupa Birligi’nin s?n?rs?z olanaklar?ndan yararlanarak ve kusursuz is kararlar?n? bir t?k otede kolaylast?rarak uluslararas? ticarete deger katmakt?r.
    Tak?m cal?smas?
    Regulated United Europe‘da, cal?smalar?m?z?n etkililiginin her ekip uyesinin kolektif cabalar?na bagl? oldugunun bilincindeyiz. Vizyonumuz, musteriler, ortaklar ve meslektaslarla olan etkilesimin yonlendirdigi kars?l?kl? destek ve gunluk isbirligine odaklanmaktad?r. Gercekci hedefler belirlemenin, ekip kararlar?nda kurumsal sorumluluk ustlenmenin ve projeleri tamamlanana kadar gormenin onemini vurgulayarak kurumsal degerleri operasyonlar?m?z?n her yonune entegre ediyoruz.
    Bireysel yaklas?m

  1259. Ремонт смартфонов el agosto 29, 2024 a las 12:50 am

    Профессиональный сервисный центр по ремонту сотовых телефонов, смартфонов и мобильных устройств.
    Мы предлагаем: ремонт телефонов
    Наши мастера оперативно устранят неисправности вашего устройства в сервисе или с выездом на дом!

  1263. Ремонт холодильников в Москве el septiembre 2, 2024 a las 8:28 pm

    Профессиональный сервисный центр по ремонту холодильников и морозильных камер.
    Мы предлагаем: ремонт холодильников в москве
    Наши мастера оперативно устранят неисправности вашего устройства в сервисе или с выездом на дом!

  1264. сервис центры в петербурге el septiembre 2, 2024 a las 8:45 pm

    Профессиональный сервисный центр по ремонту бытовой техники с выездом на дом.
    Мы предлагаем:ремонт крупногабаритной техники в петрбурге
    Наши мастера оперативно устранят неисправности вашего устройства в сервисе или с выездом на дом!

  1265. ремонт ipad el septiembre 3, 2024 a las 10:24 am

    Профессиональный сервисный центр по ремонту планетов в том числе Apple iPad.
    Мы предлагаем: ремонт ipad
    Наши мастера оперативно устранят неисправности вашего устройства в сервисе или с выездом на дом!

  1267. ремонт дронов el septiembre 3, 2024 a las 6:23 pm

    Профессиональный сервисный центр по ремонту радиоуправляемых устройства – квадрокоптеры, дроны, беспилостники в том числе Apple iPad.
    Мы предлагаем: ремонт квадрокоптеров в москве
    Наши мастера оперативно устранят неисправности вашего устройства в сервисе или с выездом на дом!

  1268. ремонт бытовой техники петербург el septiembre 3, 2024 a las 6:41 pm

    Если вы искали где отремонтировать сломаную технику, обратите внимание – тех профи

  1272. ремонт техники профи в москве el septiembre 4, 2024 a las 10:50 am

    Если вы искали где отремонтировать сломаную технику, обратите внимание – сервис центр в москве

  1273. ремонт ipad в москве el septiembre 4, 2024 a las 5:50 pm

    Профессиональный сервисный центр по ремонту планетов в том числе Apple iPad.
    Мы предлагаем: сервисный центр айпад в москве
    Наши мастера оперативно устранят неисправности вашего устройства в сервисе или с выездом на дом!

  1275. ремонт дронов el septiembre 4, 2024 a las 7:32 pm

    Профессиональный сервисный центр по ремонту радиоуправляемых устройства – квадрокоптеры, дроны, беспилостники в том числе Apple iPad.
    Мы предлагаем: ремонт квадрокоптеров в москве и московской области
    Наши мастера оперативно устранят неисправности вашего устройства в сервисе или с выездом на дом!

  1276. сервис профи екатеринбург el septiembre 5, 2024 a las 3:22 am

    Если вы искали где отремонтировать сломаную технику, обратите внимание – профи екб

  1277. сервис профи el septiembre 5, 2024 a las 1:00 pm

    Если вы искали где отремонтировать сломаную технику, обратите внимание – профи ремонт

  1278. Ремонт iPhone el septiembre 5, 2024 a las 1:29 pm

    Профессиональный сервисный центр по ремонту Apple iPhone в Москве.
    Мы предлагаем: сервисный центр iphone москва
    Наши мастера оперативно устранят неисправности вашего устройства в сервисе или с выездом на дом!

  1280. ремонт техники профи в новосибирск el septiembre 5, 2024 a las 1:36 pm

    Если вы искали где отремонтировать сломаную технику, обратите внимание – ремонт бытовой техники

  1281. Ремонт ИБП в Москве el septiembre 5, 2024 a las 1:45 pm

    Профессиональный сервисный центр по ремонту источников бесперебойного питания.
    Мы предлагаем: ремонт источников бесперебойного питания
    Наши мастера оперативно устранят неисправности вашего устройства в сервисе или с выездом на дом!

  1282. ремонт ноутбуков el septiembre 5, 2024 a las 2:34 pm

    Профессиональный сервисный центр по ремонту ноутбуков и компьютеров.дронов.
    Мы предлагаем:починить ноутбук в москве
    Наши мастера оперативно устранят неисправности вашего устройства