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En agosto he visto cosas que no creeríais

La ansiedad por almorzar en los restaurantes top puede derivar en pesadilla. Boquerones a precio de caviar. Peleas por una bolsa de hielo. Parkings colapsados. Septiembre, bienvenido.

l verano puede ser muy agotador. Tanto que, en determinados momentos, se añora septiembre y el trabajo. Raro es no tener una agenda de verano que compromete la mayoría de los mediodías y noches entre almuerzos con amigos que veranean donde tú, barbacoas familiares, algún compromiso cuasi laboral o cenas con larga sobremesa al arrullo de las chicharras. Está bien. Salvo que te metas en una cabaña en la selva de Yangambi, en la Cuenca del Congo, el verano es así. Pero no deja de ser una agenda, que te encorseta y limita. En los últimos años y especialmente en las zonas de costa, donde se concentra el meollo del turismo, se ha añadido una nueva ansiedad: conseguir mesa en los restaurantes más señalados del circuito próximo, que curiosamente, no suelen ser los que más estrellas Michelin exhiben, sinos aquellos de justa ganada fama que se colocan entre los 50 y 60 euros el cubierto. 


Hubo un tiempo en el que quien suscribe hacía las reservas en todos y cada uno de esos elegidos pasado el día de Reyes, allá por enero, cuando solían abrir la agenda de reservas, que se agotaban en días. Si se piensa bien, es ridículo. Cualquiera sabe qué harás un día de agosto, ocho meses más tarde. Si te cuadrará, si te apetecerá o incluso si estarás vivo, opción deseable pero en cualquier caso a tener en cuenta. Pero si quieres comer en alguno de estos restas no tienes otra, aunque conozcas al dueño. Porque los propietarios andan hasta la coronilla de atender compromisos, cambiar fechas, meter mesas extras con calzador y ensanchar los horarios y gestionar disgustos para atender a los primos lejanos de los conocidos de un cliente amigo. De tal forma que la reserva temprana en el calendario terminaba por condicionar algunas jornadas de verano. Visto con perspectiva, absurdamente. Digo con perspectiva porque salí de esa adicción. Cuesta, pero se sale. Ya no reservo en ninguno de esos restas donde me sigue apeteciendo almorzar. Lo dejo para octubre, o noviembre, o febrero. Pero no en verano. Este año fui inducido a uno de ellos por el sistema de producción espasmódica externo. La experiencia fue, para colmo, frustrante. Cercana a horrorosa. Claramente desbordados, con la sala atiborrada y clientes haciendo cola a las puertas pese a tener mesa reservada, el personal, precipitado y con cara de pocos amigos, no daba abasto y la producción gastronómica se ejecutaba casi en serie. Los imprescindibles clásicos de la carta estaban ya cocinados, posiblemente en una mesa caliente a la espera de ser servidos, por lo que llegaban al plato sin la temperatura justa y con una calidad más que discutible. La carta se había agostizado, o lo que es lo mismo, simplificado, con menos oferta y menos propuestas para hacerla manejable ante el aluvión de visitantes en dobles turnos de mañana y noche. En otra jornada aciaga en otro lugar, la cosa fue peor: la mitad de la carta no estaba disponible por haber agotado el género en el turno de mediodía, el personal de servicio -se notaba que lo habían cazado a lazo entre estudiantes con una impericia bíblica y doy por hecho que muy mal pagado y peor adiestrado- era sencillamente de cuarta división: ni idea de lo que tenían entre manos y encima con un punto desahogado y malencarado, transmitiéndole a los clientes la idea de que debían sentirse afortunados por poder estar sentados en tal sitio.


En todos estos sitios hay larguísimas colas de gente, armada de paciencia y apetito, dispuestos a esperar más de una hora para sentarse a almorzar. Algunos establecimientos, solícitos, incluso sirven cervezas y aperitivos en plena calle a quienes esperan. No se sabe bien si es por gentileza o para evitar que se vayan.

Sencillamente, no merece la pena la experiencia de almorzar en ciertos sitios en agosto. Apabulla, genera ansiedad y, por experiencias similares que he compartido con amigos, frustra.

Hay dos alternativas. Bueno, tres si incluyen la dieta total. Pero esa no la contemplo. La primera es muy recomendable y genera sorpresas estupendas: descubrir nuevos sitios. Lugares que aún no tienen el aura de imprescindibles para el público llegado de fuera, que por una mesa mata. Aunque es sabido, descubres un montón de pequeños restaurantes y bares con una oferta fantástica, calidad, servicio, amabilidad y precio. Y calma, mucha calma. Como aún no están nimbados, recuperas de pronto esa sensación plácida y reconfortante de cuando te atienden correctamente, sin atropellamientos ni urgencias. Incluso sin que te limiten a 90 minutos la permanencia en la mesa. En algunos casos de los otros restas hubiera preferido que me la hubieran limitado a 20 minutos, el tiempo de la cerveza y a salir corriendo. Esos locales menos conocidos aún rezuman el aroma de las cosas auténticas antes de ser desfloradas por las manadas de cazadores de restaurantes de postín, michelines, repsoles y pomaderos: vamos, de la pomada del todo Madrid. La segunda alternativa, saludable y divertida, es quedarte en casa y cocinar para los amigos. Siempre es un valor seguro, aunque este verano tampoco ha estado exenta de riesgos: el kilo de urta de Conil ha estado a 28, a 33, a 39 y hasta 45 euros. El de dorada, bocinegro o pargo, por ahí por ahí. Las verduras y frutas, caritas. Y así todo, signo evidente de que la inflación no solo no perdona durante la canícula sino que posiblemente añade algún punto de encarecimiento, cosecha propia de los productores y/o las cadenas de distribución y puntos de venta dada la elevada demanda y la seguridad de que esos días se vende todo y a cualquier precio. 


Así ha sido agosto de 2022. He visto boquerones a precios que no creeríais. Desabastecimiento total en algunos locales y grifos de cerveza que exhalaban su último suspiro tras rendir servicios de 24/7 en plena ola de calor. He visto a personal que no libraba desde el uno de julio. He visto a gente disputándose un saco de hielo a la puerta de la gasolinera como si fueran los juegos del hambre. Y he visto cómo el intento de aparcar -incluyendo parkings de pago, que es casi la única opción- se convertía en una hazaña épica con resultado de miocardio. He visto meterse a ocho personas en el mismo coche para ahorrar gasolina. Incluso, he visto, sin dar crédito, a algún gorrilla cargado de oficio tratando de cobrar tickets a unos guiris para contemplar la puesta de sol en la playa. 

Agosto se ha ido. Bienvenido septiembre, con su jornada laboral, su inflación desbocada, con el regreso al reñidero político nacional, a los días más cortos, a las primeras lluvias y a ese viento lateral que desangela. Septiembre, más vale malo conocido. 

Instagram: @anthdezrodicio / Twitter: @AHRodicio

620 Comentarios

  1. Ignacio Moreno el septiembre 3, 2022 a las 9:19 am

    Bienvenido septiembre y contento por recuperar tus reflexiones.
    Un fuerte abrazo querido amigo.

  2. Juan Pablo el septiembre 3, 2022 a las 9:22 am

    Me identifico.. La ironía chestertoniana con acento gaditano es la mejor forma de desahogo

  3. Manuel Lòpez el septiembre 3, 2022 a las 9:40 am

    Y lo peor de agosto es que no hubo el goloso en llamas. Bienvenido septiembre. Abrazos

  4. Guillermo Yáñez el septiembre 3, 2022 a las 9:55 am

    Bienvenido septiembre!!! Un abrazo Antonio

  5. Juan Manuel el septiembre 3, 2022 a las 1:58 pm

    Hola Antonio, encantado de volver a leer tu colosoenllamas. Yo siempre he preferido trabajar en julio y agosto. Me cojo los días de descanso a lo largo del año, sobre todo en junio y septiembre. Es cuando aprovecho para ir a esos restaurantes que nos gustan a todos. Y dicho sea de paso, algunos están tan sobravalorados que me generan dudas de todo tipo.

  6. José Ma. Esteban el septiembre 3, 2022 a las 3:52 pm

    Magnifica reflexión en un mundo de sólo formas Buena estilográfica Antonio. Lo de pluma no se si se entenderia. Abrazos

  7. antoniodlr el septiembre 3, 2022 a las 6:54 pm

    Llega Septiembre a Cádiz y con él, la calma. Vuelve también «El Goloso». Se nos han acabado las excusas para no ser felices..

  8. Anónimo el septiembre 3, 2022 a las 7:54 pm

    Ole!

  9. Espe el septiembre 4, 2022 a las 3:01 pm

    Qué bueno volver a leerte bro. Hemos echado de menos el Goloso en Llamas. Ahora a disfrutar del poniente largo y de los aparcamientos libres delante de mi casa.
    Welcome September!.

  10. Marta el septiembre 4, 2022 a las 6:43 pm

    Que razón tienes, querido Antonio, y cómo me gusta tu segunda opción, nuestra preferida para estos días. Nos hemos reconvertido en cocinillas y hemos disfrutado horrores sorprendiendo a los amigos con recetas fáciles y sin embargo sabrosas y muy lucidas.
    Cuando quieras, probamos alguna de las más celebradas por amigos y familiares….ya no serás conejillo de indias!

  11. A.H.R. el septiembre 6, 2022 a las 1:52 pm

    Jajaja ponle fecha ¡

  12. A.H.R. el septiembre 6, 2022 a las 1:52 pm
  13. A.H.R. el septiembre 6, 2022 a las 1:53 pm

    Garcia tocayo, vamos allá ¡

  14. A.H.R. el septiembre 6, 2022 a las 1:55 pm

    Gracias paisano ¡

  15. A.H.R. el septiembre 6, 2022 a las 1:55 pm

    Sigue probando y disfrutando . Un abrazo

  16. A.H.R. el septiembre 6, 2022 a las 1:56 pm

    Gracias Guillermo ¡

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    Qué grande eres Manolo ¡

  18. A.H.R. el septiembre 6, 2022 a las 1:57 pm

    Muchas amigo ¡

  19. A.H.R. el septiembre 6, 2022 a las 1:57 pm

    Abrazos amigo

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